It's Been a Year!

And what a crazy year it has been. It feels very strange because it feels like much longer than a year. If feels like I just turned 30 yesterday, but in fact it has been 6 months. It feels like Carter just started Kindergarten but it has been a whole year! I think about being diagnosed with cancer, the phone call, the surgery, recovery, and all the other stuff and it feels like that happened forever ago.

Whenever you hear of other people being diagnosed with cancer you always wonder what you would do if it were you and how you would handle it. I had imagined it. When I got that phone call though it was nothing like what had gone through my mind when my mom was diagnosed or others that I had heard of. Jeremy was out of town and I was home alone with the kids getting Carter ready for Mother's Day Out. Dr. Taylor called and said, "In a perfect world I would like for you to come in to talk to you but that makes it all dramatic like the movies and I don't want to make you worry more than I have to making you drive up here." Then he said that they found cancer in my biopsy. I just sat down on the living room floor while he finished talking and tried to hold back my tears. At that point he didn't know what stage or how bad and my mind was running wild. I couldn't stop thinking that my mom had just died a year before from her chemo that was treating her cancer. I kept wondering if the same would happen to me. What if I had to do chemo and I couldn't handle it like my mom? The kids were running around and I just sat there in my own world. I waited until I dropped Carter off and when I got back in the car I just laid my head down on the steering wheel and sobbed. I started thinking about all the people I would have to call and it was so overwhelming.

I never could have imagined that so much could happen in a year. I can't imagine going through this without all my wonderful friends, family , and volunteering for the American Cancer Society. Being involved with Relay For Life has had such a positive impact on this experience and I am so grateful. If someone had said two years ago that I would be doing this I wouldn't have believed it. Being chosen as a Hero of Hope has been such an honor and I will cherish these memories. I was a little anxious at first about sharing our story with so many people but it hasbeen such a good experience and everyone has been so supportive and wonderful.

I have been anticipating this day for a while. Although this is a happy day and I am celebrating my first year of survival, it is a very bittersweet day. This day a year ago I had cancer and was pregnant. This day a year later, I am cancer free and will always carry with me the thought of the wonderful little life we never got to know. So, today I will celebrate a year of survival, growth, and all of the wonderful new memories and opportunities I now have with Relay For Life. I can also celebrate all of my kiddos that help remind me why we are all fighting so hard to find a cure for cancer.

So happy cancer birthday to me, Jerm, Carter, and Margo....what a journey it has been and I love you all so much!

And happy happy birthday to my sweet baby Sam, we miss you and love you so much.

I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it. - E.E. Cummings

Yucky Boys!

I would like to start off by saying that my patience with my kids is low today. What can I say? It happens.

In the car Carter informed me that a little girl at school thinks he is yucky. He didn't understand why and kept asking me why girls think boys are yucky. I said, "Becuase you are." Carter talks about lizards and snakes at school, poots (I know this because I have witnessed it and he acted like he didn't know what the smell was at his table), runs around and gets sweaty, has dirt under his nails, etc. Boys are yucky. I then told him that in about 8 years girls would no longer think that boys are yucky and in fact, boys will be on their mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know this for a fact. He got really excited about this and I am pretty sure he would like to fast foward about 8 years.

Margo is very into being a princess the last couple of days, princess costume and all. She wore her princess dress and Cinderella shoes to Petco last night. I don't know where she gets it from because I certainly don't push the princess thing. She doesn't say princess though, she says "frincess". If anyone has a dress on she will say, "Oh, you a frincess?" I love it. Jeremy kept Margo most of the night last Friday while Carter and I went to the Relay For Life in Harrison, Arkansas. I think she made him play baby dolls for like two hours. He text me and said, "Our daughter is amazing, so smart, and so funny!" That made me smile because she so is!

We are just hanging out enjoying summer. Carter kind of likes to be entertained to much and I guess I deserve that because I used to do the same to my mom. I feel mean sometimes telling him to "Go find something to do." But, they need to know how to find something to do without being told what to play all the time right? Tonight we are going to my brothers for a cookout and I am really excited because I love being around my brothers and their families. :) Tomorrow we are swimming with a friend, Thursday I am being interviewed on the radio as a Hero of Hope and Carter has a birthday party to go to, and Friday the kids are having their pictures taken. I need to rest just to keep up!

Off to a Good Start!

It is only February but we have already had a busy year. :) I turned 30 on January 3rd of this year. This was a big birthday for me because my twenties was pretty eventful! It was a special birthday because I am cancer free this year. It was also a birthday that I thought I would always share with my mom. Then, Margo turned 2 on January 28th! I had the flu the week before her birthday and Carter had the flu the week of her birthday. Poor girl, we had to cancel her birthday party and she barely got a sugar cookie and a present on her actual birthday. We finally got to celebrate the next weekend and she had a blast! She got her first pair of Twinkle Toes. :)

We had the big snowstorm last week and Carter loved it! I got to keep my niece and nephew Friday while the kids were out of school. I can honestly say it made me question why I ever thought I could handle more than 2 kids. :) None of the kids were bad or anything, but I was just out numbered. The kids had so much fun and that is all that matters.

This week the weather has been so pretty outside and Sunday we spent almost 3 hours at the park playing and attempting to feed the ducks. My kids still don't understand why standing at the edge of the lake and screaming, "Come here ducks!!!!" doesn't make the ducks swim to them. We went back Monday and they found two ducks to feed and Carter named them Rex and Rodeo. Margo was basically trying to shove goldfish crackers down their throats and I kept telling her to back up. :) Then we encountered a man and woman pushing a stroller and walking their small dog. When Carter asked if he could pet it she told him, "You better not, he is really protectiveof his daddy and he even bites me when I try and touch him." I am thinking, maybe you should get your small cute kid attracting biting rabid dog out of the park full of kids. Just a thought. Then as we were driving out of the park we saw them come around the corner and the dog was in the stroller! They didn't even have a baby in there! They just brought this big huge jogging stroller for this 8 pound dog. I wonder why this dog is confused and protective?

Yesterday was also Valentine's day. I could care less. It is a silly holiday to me and to be honest it just gives our men another day to fail at pleasing us. Why do that to them? I got to go to Carter's party at school and we had a great time. It is so crazy to me to see him as a big kid in a real school. He is growing up way to fast and I feel like now that he is in school he is going to grow up even faster. It is moments like those that I look at him and think how proud my mom would be of him and how much they enjoyed each other. She loved him so much and I am so sad that he is going to miss out on knowing her.

Tomorrow I am taking Margo to try a gymnastics class and I am hoping to get the kids to the zoo one day this week if the weather is still pretty. So far, this year is off to a good start. :)